Stan

I was reading an article somewhere (the NYTimes is generally my source of choice) about how we have too many "stans" in the world. Baluchistan, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Kazakhistan, etc, etc.

The "stan", apparently, is an old Persian modifer which means "where they live." So, Afghanistan is where the Afghans live, etc. You get the idea.

Anyway, it got me to thinking (always bad news) about how we could apply that to the good old, USofA. If I were a Republican I can think of a million ways to polarize the nation using "stan" to refer to "them" and "where THEY live." Surely a clever and utterly soulless Republican operative could make political hay out of that.

Howabout "Christistan" for the Midwest and South? Or, "Liberastan" for the Northeast?

We could get even more specific. "Fagistan" for Provincetown. "Ditzistan" for Hollywood. "Caffeinistan" for Seattle. "Beefistan" for Chicago. "Yahooistan" for Texas and "Oyveyistan" for Florida.

Naturally New Jersey would become "Badabingistan".

But come to think of it, we'd really need to forget about old boundaries and start creating new ones. Badabingistan would include not only Northern New Jersey, but also portions of Staten Island, Brooklyn and Southern Manhattan. Fagistan would include not only P'town, but also most of San Francisco, large parts of Rehoboth (Delaware), all of Key West and 80% of West Hollywood. Oyveyistan would include vast sections of Miami, but also big chunks of Queens and Brooklyn and some communities in Northern Jersey not previously settled by the Badabingians.

Where I live, in Central NJ, isn't really a part of Badabingistan. I'm surrounded by Rutgers, Princeton, the Institute for Advanced Studies (where Einstein spent his last years), and lots of other high-falutin' think-tanks, such as the Sarnoff labs where they invented our version of color TV and stuff.

So, tonight, when I hop on that commuter bus, I'll try to contain my excitement at heading home to

Smartypantistan.