Cellularitis

I finally did it.

After years of vehemently sticking to my Ludditical Guns and swearing up and down a blue streak that I would NEVER, EVER, EVER DO IT... I finally broke down and...

ordered a cellphone.

Oh, Gawd.

What have I done?

This is the road to perdition. I might as well have opened up a vein and given Verizon the PIN number to my ATM card along with permission to anally abuse me as much as they want for the next two years.

Everybody knows that's what happens when you "agree" (as if you have any friggin' choice) to the "Terms of Agreement" on your (lack of) Service Contract which states, generally, that they own all the marbles, that you will never own any of the marbles and that they may change the rules of the game any time they like to suit themselves and you can go f*ck yourself if you don't like it.

That's pretty much what everybody signs up for when they sign up for cellular service.

My new cellphone hasn't arrived yet. It's a Motorola RAZR (silver). I got a Bluetooth headset to go with it so I can use it in the car. I tend to make long trips in the car on weekends, so that'll come in handy. Most eastern states have laws against using cellphones unless they're "hands-free." I like the RAZR. It's techie and sexy. I signed up for the full insurance package, too. I know me. I'll wind up flushing it down the john, or leaving it on a subway in no time.

It's only taken me about 5 years to decide to do this. I take forever to make up my mind about (some) things. I shop and shop and shop and then, seemingly, make what I consider to be a "hasty purchase." I'm always in denial about what I really want. I kept telling people, "Oh, I'm not important enough to have a cellphone" or "Oh, I'm in too much touch already without being even more in touch." Stuff like that. But deep down inside, I always knew that the day would come.

I've already warned a couple of my friends (whom I know also subscribe to Verizon Wireless) that I'll be calling them incessantly. Calls from Verizon to Verizon customers are free. All the time. My friends, knowing this, just roll their eyes and say "the novelty will quickly wear off." Yeah, I guess they're right and I know they're praying that they are.

But I'm not going to let them dim my newfound enthusiasm. Just for today I have a massive case of Cellularitis!