Friday, May 18, 2007

Actually, I DO feel like Dancing.

With all of this weeks' exciting events (dead preachers, abruptly unemployed neo-cons) I figured we could all use a bit of joyous noise (unto the Lord) to shake off our "blahs." [Clip from YouTube. "Scissor Sisters - I Don't Feel Like Dancin'"].

That is unless you're my friend, Bev, who is up to her eyeballs in puppies and plumbers this week (see it HERE) and has no time to shake anything except to shake puppy poopy off of herself while the plumbers dig more of it out of the garden.

There's another cause for celebration today. It's official. I've gotten a fax to prove it. Some big bank has foolishly agreed to loan me an obscene amount of money in order to buy an overpriced piece of real estate in central New Jersey. And on my salary, no less.

Whatever could they be thinking?

Nine years ago, when my life seemed all over but the actual dying, I never dreamed in a million years that this could happen to me. My self-esteem was exactly that shot.

Who knows? Maybe the dead preacher put in a good word for me with God. Hey! Stranger things have happened (I got sober. How friggin' weird is that?)

Now I can go shopping for real estate this weekend in peace (this is how we do things in NJ. You get the loan, THEN go looking for the place.)

Actually, as I've long noted here, I have been looking at places, but now, with this Imprimatur from a major bank, I feel... well... entitled to play with the big kids in terms of making demands on real estate agents to start adhering to my lists of wants and don't-wants in housing.

I want a top-floor apartment (nobody above me). I want a gas-fueled fireplace and I want a utility room big enough to hold a washer and dryer. I want two bedrooms and two baths and I want a balcony. I DON'T want cathedral ceilings but would like skylights in the bathrooms, provided they're guaranteed not to leak for 10 years. I want a kitchen big enough to swing a skillet in. I'd like to have all stainless-steel appliances (is it too much to expect Sub-Zero and KitchenAid ?)

I want to be close to the community pool (and there must be a community pool) but not NEXT to the community pool (too much noise on hot summer nights when I'm trying to sleep).

HOA (Homeowners Association) fees should not exceed $200 a month and should include garbage and snow removal, groundskeeping, external building maintenance and water, regardless of use.

The complex should be wired for BOTH Comcast high-speed cable AND Verizon FIOS fiber optic network, thus ensuring a constant choice between them.

I'm not asking for much. Just for everything I want.

And if I find all that in one place,

I'll really feel like dancin'.


Alan said...

Fabu. Congrats. Let us know when the housewarming will be. And can I assume you will soon be in need of guests to accessorize your guest room?

JoyZeeBoy said...

Absolutely, hon. And you boys will always be welcome with open arms and legs.

Not that it'll be a whorehouse or anything like that, mind you.