Sunday, April 29, 2007

Sunday, Sweet Sunday

"Militarize our Children & Nation" Copyright © Austin Cline.

The Queen of England is coming to visit us this week. She's a pretty classy old broad. How she manages to keep a "stiff upper lip" in the face of all the shenanigans of her offspring, and their various significant others over the years, is beyond me.

I would've shouted "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS", like the demented cartoon Queen from the Disney version of "Alice in Wonderland", a hundred times by now. It's a good thing I'm only a make-believe queen, instead of a real one.

Okay, no comments from the peanut gallery, please.

I had the opportunity, Friday night, to tell my story in front of a bunch of recovering, gay, alcoholic men, at a 12-Step meeting in Doylestown, PA. I had never told my story in such a completely unbridled fashion as I did that night. Oh, don't get me wrong, I didn't put in all the gory details about my past sexual exploits, but not once in the half hour that I spoke did I find myself thinking, "hmmm, I should edit this slightly before I share it". It was liberating to just let it all hang out. I was surprised about what DID come out. I found myself thinking, "gee, I wasn't nearly as 'nice' towards my old boyfriends as I used to kid myself that I'd been."

Having those sorts of revelations is good. It'll make my 9th Step amends a lot easier to make when, and if, the time comes.

After the meeting there were those who thanked me for sharing my story and, interestingly enough, there were those who didn't. In fact there were some who went out of their way to avoid me altogether. I can understand why. I no longer think it's my business to "entertain" people with my story. My job, to the best of my ability, is to put out the unvarnished truth. MY unvarnished truth. Or, as we say in 12-Step society, to share my "experience, strength and hope with others" because a) it keeps me honest about who I am now and, more importantly, who I used to be and b) because there's going to be somebody out there who is going to totally relate, after a lifetime of thinking they were the "only one" to ever feel and think the way they did.

Anyway, deep thoughts for a Sunday morning, I suppose. I've already called the UK and left a voice-mail for one of my old friends there, and spent an hour on the phone with another friend from my college days, who lives in Baltimore.

And I've finished my blog for the day (unlike Friday, when I was busier than a one-armed paperhanger and yesterday when... I was too lazy to write)!

Despite the crappy, overcast weather here in the east, it's going to be a beautiful day! But first, there'll be a meeting, then some time with a sponsee, followed by an afternoon with the papers and then a nice homecooked meal this evening.

Sound boring? It is. Thank God. I've already had all the drama and excitement I need in my life.

I hope you have a serene Sunday.


Bev Sykes said...

Jeez...that poster could be an alternative poster for Cabaret.

JoyZeeBoy said...

Tomorrow Belongs to Me, nein?

Any luck with the computer?