Friday, October 27, 2006

A Hundred Million Miracles

are happening every day.... ("Flower Drum Song". Copyright 1959 by Richard Rogers and Oscar Hammerstein II)

I didn't forget to blog yesterday. I was tired and busy and blogged out. Sometimes, when you don't really have anything to say, the best thing to do is to simply shut up.

But I always have something to say on Fridays. The first of which is, YAAAYYYY!!!! IT'S FRIDAY!!!!

But I'm really grateful about it being Friday because I get to spend Friday mornings from 7:45 to 8:45 a.m. packed into a room in the basement of CitiCorp Center (53rd Street & Lexington Avenue), with a bunch of other people who are working hard to get better. And the miracle is, most of us are. Some of them I wouldn't have given a dime's bet for their success when I first met them. Some of them I had every confidence would instantly latch on to the whole idea of sobriety, but they continue to struggle, even after years of trying.

But they're all there, and I love each and every one of them. It fills me up. It warms my heart. It lightens my soul. It's the finest hour of my day. I'm practically in tears (of joy and gratitude) for the entire hour.

All it cost me to participate in this miracle was everything. It was worth every penny.

After that hour I am 10 feet tall and bulletproof. It matters not what the rest of the day holds in store for me. I am armored for it. I have choices all day long about how to handle life on life's terms. I can choose to stoop to the games people play, or I can choose to remain above the fray and refuse to participate (as Oscar Wilde once said, "Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more.")

Best of all, I can practice in daily life what I learn from my compatriots in recovery during that hour of sharing. I learn how to be vulnerable without getting hurt. I learn how to be compassionate without being codependent. I learn balance.

Somebody (an earthling, which is how we refer to people who don't get together in church basements for an hour a day) once said, "How I envy you. The rest of us don't have a program." I thought she was kidding, but she wasn't.

Ya know, I'm pretty lucky. Fact is, I should be dead now. God knows, I tried hard enough and if life were truly fair, I would be.

A Hundred Million Miracles. And I'm just one of them. It's a beautiful day.

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