Tuesday, November 20, 2007


No, not Roy Rogers' horse. I mean "trigger" as in the buttons your family can push with ease because a) they installed them and b) they know where they are.

I used to think that one of my addiction triggers (as in, "if I hang around this long enough I'll have NO CHOICE but to get snot-slinging, commode-hugging, projectile-vomiting, technicolor-yawning, falling-down, drunk", was crazy women. I thought this because a) I'd spent my entire childhood surrounded by them.

There is no "b)".

However, lately, God has seen fit to saddle provide me with plenty of growth opportunities in the form of "sponsees." Sponsees are what we in recovery used to refer to as "pigeons." That was before recovery got all politically correct. Pigeon means somebody who a) shits all over you and b) flies the coop. Sponsees used to do that a lot. Nowadays it's very easy to track them down and kill them.

Anyway, these sponsee/pigeons are giving me fits. They seem to have mental meltdowns over nothing (or what I think is nothing but which, apparently, means a lot to them, like utility bills or Thanksgiving or shit like that there). They call at inopportune moments (like between midnight and dawn) when they have plenty of free time to work themselves into states over bullshit and can't understand why I don't share their enthusiasm for their latest load of insanity.

Oh, and to make it even more enjoyable, because He knows how much I adore lawyers, God has seen fit to saddle provide me with one of those as a sponsee, too!

I am blessed these days. I hardly know where to begin to express my gratitude. I don't have any time to wallow in my own insanity, that's for sure. My days fly by between work and talking my sponsees in from the ledges several times a day.

Was I this nuts when I was new?

I take back every bad thought I ever had about crazy, alcoholic women.

It's alcoholics in general that I can't stand.

And I oughta know.

I am one.


Bev Sykes said...

I always talk about the lady who called me at 3 a.m. to ask if her baby was crying because she ate rutabagas before nursing her. It's a funny, irritating story for me, but when I'm adult about it, I realize that the mother was alone and scared and it was the middle of the night and she felt out of control and was happy to have a voice--any voice--out there who she could reach out to.

I suspect that when you're in your adult mode you know that too, and remember the times when all those issues seemed overwhelming to you too.

JoyZeeBoy said...

Ooooh, I love the story about the rutabaga lady. It reminds me of the "Mommy drinks because you cry" stories I used to hear a lot more of.

Yes, my inner adult knows about his blind fears and yes, I've had plenty of them, too, when I was counting days and terrified of being "struck drunk" over the least thing (the "broken shoelace" fear).

My utility-bill sponsee is especially delicate right now. His lover dumped him six weeks ago. Their wedding was supposed to have occurred this past weekend. He was forced to move out (quickly). He's on the verge of being unemployed and unemployable and yet he still doesn't grasp the importance of going to meetings every, single day... without exception (he's far too busy being crazy, you see?)

Believe me, I am much kinder to him in real life than I am when venting about him here.

Bev Sykes said...

LOL. Oh, I understand SO well!!!

Anonymous said...

Believe me, I understand. My sponsees-nee-pigeons are just as crazy as I was when I was a newbie. I remember that an oldtimer told me, "Stick around, kid. We'll love you until you can love yourself." And I thought he was lacking a few screws upstairs. I try not to inflict that notion on my "birds" blatantly, just try to walk the walk with them.

Hugs from Asia,
~ Sil in Corea

Aerten said...

God loves you, yes She does. She's given you all these marvelous sponsees to help you learn... well, something I'm sure. Possibly the same thing I'm supposed to be learning with my family tree full of alcoholics. I just wish She loved me enough to tell me what I'm supposed to be learning here so I could study more. :-)

Have a safe and quiet Turkey Day.


JoyZeeBoy said...

LOL! Sil, Kelly, thanks for the good advice and kind wishes.

The good news is that everybody managed to survive Thanksgiving and no parents, children, ex-spouses, lovers, friends or other miscellaneous family members were harmed in the process.

One down, two to go. They don't call this time of the year "The Bermuda Triangle" for nothing!

I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving, too!