Monday, November 13, 2006

Sober Reminder

An acquaintence of mine just returned from a business trip to eastern Europe and, while he was over there, he managed to acquire a new sobriety date.

His former sobriety date was the same week and year as mine. As of this morning he has 3 days "back" as we say.

It happened "just like that." It always does, from what I hear. This disease of mine (ours) is cunning, baffling and powerful. And I'm always just a heartbeat away from losing my mind and sobriety.

We have a saying amongst my kind that there will come a time, for each of us, when "the only thing standing between me and a drink, will be my Higher Power"; (I'll) be totally alone with the liquor (drug, food, porn, racing form) and "no one will ever know." Except me and that Higher Power of mine (however I'm conceiving of it that day). THAT will be my moment of truth. That is when only my total reliance upon and surrender to God, as I understand God, will come into play to save my sorry @ss from myself.

My friend apparently forgot that, took his own will back, thought to himself, "Hey, I can do this now" and found out, in very short order, that he couldn't. That first drink, within hours, turned into a full-blown drunk and he very nearly blew the deal he'd been sent there to conclude by showing up vomitously hung-over the next morning and being sick all the following day.

Oh, and he gets to start counting his sobriety all over again. He's up to Day Three now.

I was not kind to him after he announced it. I didn't know what to say and what I did say was pretty cutting. He jokingly asked me how he was supposed to keep track of his sobriety date now that we no longer shared one. I said, "well, whose fault is that?"

Before this day is out I must call him and apologize to him for that comment.

He does not need to be castigated. He knows what he lost. What he needs now is my full love and compassion.

And if I expect to stay sober, it's my job to give it to him.

And THAT'S the way it works.

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