One week before I was to leave for England, in the wee small hours of May 2nd, 2012, I was minding my own business on the northbound train platform of Princeton Junction, NJ, awaiting my usual morning express to New York City, where I work.
My phone went "BOING!" a curious sound I'd not heard before. I looked and the amber light at the top was flashing. I activated the screen and saw a tiny bear on the tool bar at the top. I pulled the bar down and found that somone had sent me a message on a bear dating site called "Growlr" which I'd joined just the day before. My icon photo was of me in a tux, taken last February.
My gentleman caller was a beautiful redhead from far across the seas. "You're hot" he said. Or words to that effect. I messaged him back that I thought he was, too. Seconds later he responded. I was amazed at the speed with which our messages were flying back and forth across the Atlantic.
Finally, he asked, "What do you like?" I typed, "I like saucy, ginger-haired lads" and hit send.
"WELL, I'M A SAUCY, GINGER-HAIRED LAD" he wrote back.
He lives outside London. I was going to London the following week. One thing led to another and suddenly we were meeting "for coffee" on the Southbank of the Thames the Friday after I arrived.
He is, indeed, ginger. And he certainly is saucy. And we couldn't take our eyes off each other.
I like relationships were both parties think that THEY are the lucky one!
He'd neglected to mention a few things. Like his boyfriend. I was crestfallen. Never mind that there was no way this would work, aside from that. Several hours later, as we were about to part, he dragged me into a deserted side-street and laid the most passionate lip-lock on me that I've had in over 30 years.
It would be romantic and easy to say that "at that moment...." but that would be a lie.
The fact is, when he sent me that message on the train platform at a God-awful hour of the morning, the first week of May, 2012... something re-awoke in me. Something long dead. Something I didn't want. Something I was better off without. Something that had caused me pain in the past.
That something was desire. A desire to be desired and to desire someone else. A desire to be loved and to love someone else. A desire to live.
Since then our ardor has cooled. But not before several other gentlemen cropped up on the same website expressing interest in me.
One of them even lives near me.
We've had two dates so far and so far, so good.
He's not ginger-haired, nor particularly saucy. But he is very sweet. And interesting. And he likes me. Oh, and together we're 12 and 1/2 feet tall and weigh about 500 pounds. He's my size. At long last, an answer to one of my lifelong prayers -- someone I can look right in the eyes before we kiss.
And he loves to kiss.
Thank you, God.