1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Depends. Single gifts get wrapped. Multiple gifts get wrapped AND bagged.
2. Real tree or artificial?
Okay, now starts the rant on indoor safety. GET THAT FIREHAZARD OUT OF HERE. Artificial.
3. When do you put up the tree?
Put it up? Didn’t I do my part by merely buying it? Now you want me to put it up? The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
4. When do you take the tree down?
If it’s in the box the day before, it’ll still be in the box the day after – n’est pas?
5. Do you like eggnog?
Darn tootin’! Unfortunately, booze is out, and so is cholesterol. Bye, bye egg-nog.
6. Favorite gift received as a child?
Erector sets. I loved ‘em.
7. Hardest person to buy for?
My ex was the hardest person to shop for. Actually, anyone who is passive-aggressive and won’t come right out and tell you what they want. I HATE people like that. I theorize that the only reason people really have for not telling you what they want is so they can blame you later for the crappy gifts you give 'em.
8. Easiest person to buy for?
Me. Ask me what I want and I’ll fax or e-mail you a list to choose from. Better still, just check my name on Amazon.com. I have a wish list there at all times.
9. Do you have a nativity scene?
Nah. While I love the message Jesus delivered, I believe it’s a crime that we deified him.
10. Mail or e-mail Christmas cards?
Christmas cards. Nothing says lovin like a card. I try to pick cards with a message that conveys how I’m feeling that year. This year’s card was a sort of Zen message about “being that which the world is missing.” It made sense when I bought them.
12. Favorite Christmas movie?
A Christmas Carol – the 1951 English version with Alistair Sim.
13. When do you start shopping?
Right after Thanksgiving.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
Yes. Booze. Booze gifts get re-gifted.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
Turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie.
16. Lights on the tree?
The tree is pre-lighted. Thankyewverymuch.
17. Favorite Christmas song?
“Santa Baby," the Eartha Kitt version.
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
Every year I drive to my sister and brother-in-law’s place in Delaware. That’s where my father’s clan gathers for the holiday. I love it. It's not that big a schlep -- about an hour and a quarter each way, turnpike driving all the way.
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?
You’re kidding, right?
20. Angel on the tree top or a star?
A fancy-schmancy ornament I picked up about five years ago at the Museum of Modern Art store on East 54th Street.
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
Morning. It’s more “Christmasy.”
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?
Crowds and holiday commuters on the trains. They all walk around the east side of Manhattan, especially around Rockefeller Center and it’s ubiquitous tree, with both feet planted firmly in mid-air and totally unaware of how they’re blocking traffic.
23. Favorite ornament theme or color?
I got a collection of great ornaments at the MOMA store that are pretty gay. Glass red ruby slippers, a Kodak camera, etc. Tchotchkes like that.
24. What do you want for Christmas this year?
Got it. I stayed sober for another year and got drenched in love every day.
25. Describe how you would celebrate the holidays if it was totally up to you and money was not a factor.
Fly my family and friends overseas and celebrate ‘CHRISTMAS IN TAHITI’! Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about.